About a month ago, I wrote a response to an editorial piece for my local newspaper. It wasn’t published there, so I convinced the author of this blog to post it here for all the world to see. Obviously, I didn’t take much convincing considering I’ve in away for the better part of the month. Still, with my average of one to two posts a month, it’s probably about time that I put something up again. I am legitimately trying do publish more often. I suffered the same sort hiatus from blogging as did my Tucson counterpart (and I use that term loosely, he is far more prolific than I). I’ve tried to revamp the direction of the blog, and each time I settle into the same routine of churning out a post a month. At least I’m consistent. At this point, I still have visions of sugar plums and a more focused topicality to the content here. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Thanks Lao Tzu. I’m moving forward here, if only by a step.
So what I have below my response to a satirical editorial by Will Durst. Mr. Durst is self-proclaimed as America’s Top Political Satirist. In late-August, he wrote an article, “Mister Muzzle and Nuzzle.” You can find it here (scroll down to August, 27, 2011). It’s a great article – very sarcastic. On a whim I penned a reply in the same style. It’s not quite my style, but I enjoyed the opportunity to step out of my literary skin and try a response in the same manner.
Now technically I wrote this reply in August – so this today is only a quasi September post. Will there be another? Stay tuned.
In response to “Mister Muzzle and Nuzzle” by Will Durst
Mr. Durst’s laugh-and-bash editorial of Rick Perry’s Texas-style entry into the GOP presidential race largely ignores the reality; even a generic-flavored Republican from the candidate buffet is a more palatable alternative than Obama’s medicine. I didn’t care for Obama’s healthcare pill, and I didn’t care for the elixir of injecting greenbacks into Wall Street. Last I checked, America is still hooked up to an I.V. monitored by S&P and Moodys. And if those monitoring stations indicate anything other than a clean bill of health, the Feds launch an investigation. At least Biden will celebrate the boost in payroll numbers.
Let’s face it, America is waking from its Obama fairytale with a huge hangover. This isn’t like quite the Cinderella story topped with sugarplums and happily ever after endings that we envisioned – not when nearly 1 in 10 can’t get a job. Apparently census workers are seasonal positions. Check back in ten years Detroit. Unbeknownst to Obama, most of America can’t take weeklong vacations every month or afford to have working wives make celebrity appearances on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. But hey, every job has its perks. I get my jollies after I punch out at after work, sit down and watch stocks jump like yo-yos. What a rush; my net worth jumps around more than Tigger on a pogo-stick. Talk about entertainment. Do we still need another four years of Obama in his Washington bubble?
Who cares about numbers though– Social Security isn’t a Ponzi-scheme. I’m glad Big Government will be there to support me. Thanks Obama. I like spending money too. Let’s do that cash for clunkers thing again. Yeah, I know the program cost taxpayers about $24,000 for the $4,000 I saved on my new Kia Rio. And yeah, it’s a foreign car. So what? The new Chevrolet Equinox our Labor Secretary drives around Washington in was assembled in Canada. At least it feels good driving a Chevy. Looks good in photo shoots too.
Remember those trillions we pumped into the economy? And those bailouts? Thank God for those new jobs. Like $500,000 equals one job? That’s a Black Friday deal if I ever saw one. But math wasn’t my strong suit, so I guess me and Washington have one thing in common. But hey, we can build more industrial plants in Singapore; they need work too. It’s the cost of doing business. And that Nobel Peace Prize is looking mighty fine. Whoops. I forgot about those wars in Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya. Wait. Not Libya. “Kinetic Military Action.” How’s that for linguistic jujitsu?
Let’s not be too hard on Obama. He has a country to run. Without his clairvoyant government intervention into nearly every. single. aspect. of our lives, private markets would surely collapse. Re-election takes front and center too. Move over Bachmann, Perry, Romney, Cain, Paul, America – Obama has a bunch more goodies coming. I don’t think I sent my thank you card for the last Christmas present. You know, that whale of a healthcare bill Obama-Santa gave us all on Christmas Eve, 2009. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Won’t forget that one anytime soon, no sir-ree. I’m totally looking forward to my upgraded MVD-style doctor office visits. Where’s my Medicare card?
What other dollops have me salivating this year? Oh, oh – immigration reform! Yeah! That’ll seal up this Hispanic vote. Don’t touch Social Security or Medicare. Takes care of elderly. Drop “G-d” around enough and pick up some of those crazy Christian southern folk too. Hmm. Why do so many conservatives want to run against Obama? Can’t they tell Obama offers something for everyone? Just leave the milk and cookies on the counter.